Batman vs Deadpool
by George Gordy
Summary: The Joker and an army of inmates have broken out of Arkham and have their sights set on Gotham. This time, however, they've enlisted the help of the mercenary known as Deadpool. Batman faces what may possibly be the toughest challenge of his career as the Joker and Deadpool, two criminally insane minds, merge and spread death and terror all throughout Gotham. Leave reviews.
1. Chapter 1

Batman, The Joker, and all related characters are the property of Time Warner and DC Comics. I do not own any of them.

Deadpool is the property of the Walt Disney Company and Marvel Comics. I do not know him.

Although the characters aren't mine, the story that you are about to read is of my creation.

**Batman vs. Deadpool #1**

By: George Gordy

An uprising breaks out at Arkham Asylum. Some of Gotham's most dangerous criminals are housed here. The asylum's guards stand no chance against the savage inmates and they are massacred. At the head of the uprising is none other than the Joker, along with some of Gotham's other criminals: Scarecrow, Penguin, and Harley Quinn. Dead guards litter the floor as the inmates go on a rampage.

"We need backup!" "We need back argh!" One of the guards cries after getting smashed in the head with a metal bar.

"No, please!" "Don't kill me!" A guard shouts as the Joker brutally beats the man with a metal bar.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Joker maniacally laughs as he savagely bludgeons the man, "HEEHAHA…HA".

After five minutes, the man finally dies.

"HAHAHA, WOO!" The Joker screams, "That was fun!" The Joker says.

"Looks like everyone's dead Mr. J!" Harley Quinn says, "Where's that friend of yours?"

"Calm down Harley!" He says, "He'll be here!"

"So Joker", the Scarecrow asks, "what's the plan?" "Why do you need my toxins?"

"Geez!" the Joker cries, "What is this 21 QUESTIONS?!" "I'll explain everything later, right now we need to bust out of here."

Suddenly the chained door is blown open, a man clad in a red spandex costume, a mask with black rings around its eyeslots, and armed with two revolvers on his holster and two katanas on his back walks in the room.

"So… you guys had a party", the man says, "and you didn't invite me?"

"Who the hell is that?" The Penguin asks, "Is that Deathstroke?"

The man replies, "No, I'm his copycat from Marvel." "Call me Deadpool."

"Marvel?" The Penguin asks, "Where the hell is that?"

"Yo, it's a freakin' crossover!" Deadpool says, "didn't anybody tell you guys?"

"I take it you're the mercenary we hired?" The Joker asks.

"Yep" Deadpool asks, "I take it you're the Joker, I mean… you are the Joker right?"

"The one and only!" The Joker replies.

"O…M…G" Deadpool replies, "I'm like your biggest fan! I like look up to you! I loved you in The Dark Knight. That cool pencil trick thing you did, remind me, you've gotta show me how to do that later. Oh yea and, WHY SO SERIOUS?! You have no idea what an honor this is!"

The Joker smiles and blushes and says "Oh stop!"

"So… When are you guys gonna finish your little discussion, we've got a city to take over." Penguin says.

"Oh yea, right" Deadpool says, "Anyway so, like, I stole a HUMVEE on the way here; bunch of crazy inmates, a HUMVEE, and a big city full of people and stuff I mean do I really need to go any further?"

"HA, I like this guy already!" The Joker says, "Alright boys and girls let's go!"

Deadpool jumps in the driver's seat, while the rest of the inmates go into the back of the HUMVEE. They drive into Gotham, where they immediately burn, loot, and plunder the city. Not even the police are any match for the crazed inmates and the city's protector, Batman, is nowhere in sight."

At a conference room at a hotel in New York, Bruce Wayne is securing a business deal with a chemical manufacturer.

"Thank you gentlemen", Bruce says, "It really has been a pleasure doing business with you."

"Yes Mr. Wayne!" the one of the men in the room says, "It truly has been a pleasure." "Hopefully this is the start of a beautiful and prosperous partnership."

The other men in the room nod their heads and smile in agreement. Bruce Wayne shakes each of their hands and takes the elevator to his hotel room. Once he gets in his room, he suddenly gets a phone call from Gotham: His butler Alfred.

Bruce answers the phone "Alfred, how's the estate?" "Is anything the matter?"

Alfred replies, "I'm afraid yes Master Wayne, there is trouble in Gotham."

"What!" Bruce cries, "What is it?"

Alfred replies, "Sir, the Joker and his cronies have broken out of Arkham and now they're trying to take over the city!" "The police are no match for them!" "Hundreds have already been killed."

"Joker, he just never quits does he?" Bruce thinks to himself, "Alright, I'm on my way back."

"Wait Master Wayne!" Alfred cries.

"What is it Alfred?" Bruce replies.

"The Joker has a new accomplice" Alfred tells him, "I don't think he's like anyone you've ever met or faced before." "He's almost as crazy as the Joker is!"

"We'll see about that" Batman says, "That's never stopped me before." "We'll talk more once I return Alfred."

"Hurry sir!" Alfred replies.

Bruce Wayne drives his Ferrari to his mansion outside of Gotham, in order to prepare for what may possibly be the greatest challenge he has ever faced.


	2. Chapter 2

_Batman, The Joker, and all related characters are the property of Time Warner and DC Comics. I do not own any of them._

_Deadpool is the property of the Walt Disney Company and Marvel Comics. I do not own him._

_Although the characters aren't mine, the story that you are about to read is of my creation._

**Batman vs. Deadpool #2**

By: George Gordy

Gotham is on fire. As Arkham's inmates wreak havoc on the city, the police do their best to fight back the crazed inmates.

"There's too many of 'em!" One police officer says as he fires his gun, in an attempt to defend himself from the inmates charging at him.

"We've got to hold the line men!" Gotham City Police Commissioner James Gordon says, "We won't let this city fall to these monsters!" Gordon then thinks to himself, "Damn it Batman where are you?"

The Joker, Deadpool, and Harley Quinn confront a SWAT team coming out of a helicopter on top of a roof. The officers, itching for a fight, did not have the slightest idea of what they were getting themselves into. They were about to go up against three of the most murderous, crazed minds on Earth.

"Alright you freaks, it's over!" the commanding officer says through his megaphone, "Surrender or we will shoot!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Joker laughs as he pulls out his pistol. Deadpool stops him: "Oh, this is gonna be so easy" he says, "Let me handle this!"

Joker replies "Oh, where are my manners? Please, go right ahead."

Deadpool pulls out his Katanas and walks towards the men.

"Hey, we're warning you!" The commanding officer continues to scream as Deadpool continues to approach the SWAT team, trying to hide the fact that he had just wet his pants in fear.

"O…O…Ok men" the commander says, "Fire!"

The men open fire on Deadpool and he falls to the ground. The officers look in shock as Deadpool's wounds heal right before their very eyes!

"This guy ain't human!" One of the officers says.

Deadpool simply gets up, brushes himself off, puts his Katanas away, pulls out two pistols from his holster, and charges at the men.

"BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!" the crazed mercenary screams as he guns down the men one by one, before pointing his guns at the commanding officer.

"Please, I have a wife and two kids at home!" The poor man pleads for his life, as Deadpool places one of the guns' barrels directly to the man's forehead. Unfortunately for the officer, madmen like Deadpool cannot be reasoned with.

"You wanna hear a secret?" Deadpool asks the officer in his ear. "BANG!" Deadpool screams before pulling the trigger and blowing the man's head completely off.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Joker falls on the floor in hysterical laughter, "That was rich!"

"I think I like this guy Mr. J!" Harley says.

Suddenly, Scarecrow and Penguin arrive on top of the roof.

"We have completely taken over Gotham!" Scarecrow says while holding a tank filled with fear toxin.

"Now let's really get this party started!" the Joker says, "We'll split Gotham in three parts: We're heading to city hall to kidnap the mayor, there is a system of pipes that carries water from the reservoir into the city that starts in Gotham Cemetary, I need you to mix your toxin in the water supply. That'll really heat things up!"

"Well that's funny…" Penguin says.

"What is?" Joker asks.

"You're actually telling us what you plan on doing" Penguin replies, "You never do that."

"Well I'm in a good mood" Joker says, "Now hurry up before my good mood runs out, and you know it will."

"Guess I'll go back to my nightclub" Penguin says, "See ya' later clown."

"I shall go to the cemetery and spread fear all throughout Gotham" Scarecrow says, "The city is ours!"

"So what do we do now guys?" Harley asks.

"I know, let's steal this helicopter!" Deadpool says.

The three psychopaths jump into the helicopter and fly around Gotham, observing the death and mayhem they have caused.

"It's beautiful!" Harley says.

"You're not actually going to share Gotham with those jerks are you?" Deadpool asks.

"HAHAHAHA" Joker laughs, "OF COURSE NOT! Just had to get them off my back that's all, they wouldn't stop bothering me!"

"I'm getting bored!" The Joker says, "Where in the world is Batman? He should have showed up by now. Speaking of Batman, Deadpool! I've got a friend I want you to meet!"

"Who Batman, guy in the Halloween costume?" Deadpool replies, "Yea I know all about him. Didn't I tell you? I've seen the movies."

_Bruce Wayne arrives at his mansion, where he is greeted by Alfred._

"What's new Alfred?" Bruce asks.

"Well sir, the Joker and his cronies have kidnapped the mayor" Alfred says, "Reports say that they plan on poisoning Gotham's water supply using the Scarecrow's fear toxin."

"Those fiends…I have to stop them!" Bruce says as he flips a switch near his bookshelf, causing the shelf to open and reveal a flight of stairs. The two men walk down the stairs, to reveal a room filled with high-tech equipment, and a bat-themed costume. Bruce Wayne picks up a remote control and presses a button, causing the glass case in which the bat costume was held in to open; Bruce takes down the costume and puts it on.

"Regarding this new ally of the Joker" Batman asks, "Do you know anything about him?"

Alfred replies "Sir from what I have heard, his name is Deadpool. He is an extremely dangerous mercenary and very insane."

"Then he's no different from the Joker and the rest of the monsters Gotham has thrown at me" Batman says.

"No sir!" Alfred says, "From what I hear, he is almost not human. He has a healing factor!"

"Healing factor?" Batman thinks to himself, "Do you know of anything that can negate his healing factor?"

"Nothing I know of sir" Alfred replies.

"Well I can't just sit here" Batman says, "Gotham needs me. Too many lives have already been lost, the Joker needs to be stopped. As for this Deadpool, I'll cross that bridge once I get to it."

"I won't slow you down sir" Alfred replies.

"Take care of the estate" Batman says before he looks at Alfred with his infamous cold glare, "I've got work to do."

"Godspeed sir" Alfred says to Batman as the garage opens. Batman jumps on the Batcycle and rides into the night.

**Continued on #3**


	3. Chapter 3

_Batman, The Joker, and all related characters are the property of Time Warner and DC Comics. I do not own any of them._

_Deadpool is the property of the Walt Disney Company and Marvel Comics. I do not own him._

_Although the characters aren't mine, the story that you are about to read is of my creation._

**Batman vs. Deadpool #3**

By: George Gordy

As Batman rides into Gotham, he observes the chaos that his nemesis has caused. Screams of terror fill the air, fires burn all over the city, if Gotham never needed its protector; they certainly did now.

"My God" Batman thinks to himself, "Those monsters."

Afterwards he stops in the middle of a street, where he meets Commissioner Gordon and some officers.

"Batman" Gordon says, "Thank God you're here!"

"I came as quick as I could Jim" Batman says, "How are you guys holding up?"

"Not too good" Gordon says, "It's like a warzone out here! There is way too many of them. We sent a SWAT team to take out the Joker, Harley, and the mercenary; the entire team was killed."

"Jim, I'm sorry" Batman says.

"It's okay" Gordon says, "The inmates have taken over most of the city. We've been trying to hold this position right here, that's probably our only success so far."

"Well that's good news" Batman says.

Gordon continues "The Gotham City Police Department has lost about 95 percent of its manpower in the battle, so we can't make any advances. The only people standing between those freaks and the rest of Gotham are some armed civilians, and what's left of the GCPD."

"Well if it'll help, I've found some information about the mercenary" Batman says, "He goes by the name Deadpool and he's a meta-human. He has a healing factor."

"Healing factor huh" Gordon asks, "This is gonna get ugly."

"It already has" Batman says, "Time to put an end to this nonsense. I'll go into Gotham and find them."

"Good luck Batman" Gordon says, "You'll need it."

"Thanks Jim" Batman says as he jumps back on the Batcycle and rides out into Gotham. He stops and confronts two inmates.

"It's the Bat!" One of the men shouts before the gang points their rifles at him.

Batman detonates a smoke bomb before firing his grappling hook at a building, and rappelling up.

"Where did he go?" One of the inmates asks.

Batman spots one of the men, grabs him, rappels him to the top of the building, and knocks him out with one punch before rappelling back down.

"Yo Ray, where you at" The other escapee asks, "Ray?"

Batman kicks the man in the back of his knee, causing him to drop his rifle and fall to the ground. Batman pounds his face in several times and interrogates him.

"Where's the Joker?" Batman asks before punching him again, "Where's Deadpool? What are they planning?"

"I…I don't know!" The man says in fear, "The most I've heard is that they kidnapped the mayor! That's all I know, I swear!"

"Where are they taking him?!" Batman asks the man.

"Probably Amusement Mile!" the escapee says, "Please, don't kill me!"

Batman ties the man up, when Commissioner Gordon and his men show up.

"We'll take it from here Batman" Gordon says, "Go find the Joker."

Batman nods his head, jumps on his motorcycle, and rides into the night. Gordon and his men surround the inmate, making threatening gestures.

"The GCPD no longer exists" Gordon says to the man, "We don't have to operate within the confines of the law anymore, I hope you realize that. You've killed a lot of cops."

"Come on guys" the man says, "I was just doin' my job!"

"Ahh" the man screams as Gordon and his men assault him.

As Batman is riding down Gotham's streets, he sees a helicopter. Inside are the Joker, Deadpool, Harley Quinn, and the mayor clad in only his underwear and with tape around his mouth. The tape around his mouth prevents him from speaking clearly, and he makes moaning and grunting sounds

The Joker aims the chopper's gun at Batman and begins firing at him.

"HAHAHAHA! HEEHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA" The Joker laughs as Batman frantically tries to dodge the machine gun bullets.

As Batman is dodging the Joker's machine gun, he crashes his bike and falls off of it. The Joker aims his gun at the wounded Batman but does not fire.

"Oh come on Bats!" Joker says, "You're no fun!"

"What are you planning Joker" Batman yells at him, "Where are you taking the mayor?"

"Well since you have no hope of stopping me, I'll tell you my plan: I'm taking the mayor back to my place, and I'm going to have some fun with him HA! After that, I'm going to have good ol' Scarecrow put his fear juice in the water supply! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"You'd be a fool if you think I'm not going to stop you!" Batman says.

"Yea about that" Joker says, "My friend here just won't allow that. Oh Deadpool! Take care of our little flying rodent problem will you, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Deadpool jumps out of the helicopter and onto the road below, in order to confront Batman."

"You must be Deadpool." Batman says.

"Ah" Deadpool says, "So you've heard of me? Batman is it? Loved The Dark Knight, ask Joker; me and him are like best pals now. This is a huge honor but my job is to kick your ass, and if you've got a problem with Joker you've got a problem with me; so let's not waste anymore time."

"I agree" Batman says, "You and Joker's reign of terror ends here."

Fate has brought two of the world's most dangerous men on a collision course. Someone had to come out on top. Batman attempts to surprise Deadpool by throwing a Batarang at him, slashing Deadpool's face. Batman witnesses Deadpool's healing factor in person as the wound caused by the Batarang heals right before his very eyes.

"Yea… I heal" Deadpool says, "You surprised?"

Batman becomes annoyed and charges at Deadpool, punching him in the face. Deadpool counters with punch of his own, sending the two men falling to the floor. As Deadpool pulls out his pistol, Batman pulls out a Batarang and knocks the pistol out of Deadpool's hand.

Deadpool charges at Batman throwing a flurry of punches and kicks, Batman blocks and dodges them.

"His fighting style" Batman thinks to himself, "So wild and unpredictable. I don't know how much longer I can hold this up. No, you've faced worse than this Bruce."

When Deadpool's assault slows down, Batman throws a punch that sends Deadpool to the floor. Batman gets on top of him, cocking his hand back. Deadpool presses a button on his chest and disappears.

"Where did he go?" Batman thinks to himself.

"Hey, over here" Deadpool says before throwing a kick at Batman, which Batman blocks. The two continue to fight until suddenly the Joker's helicopter appears again, and pulls Deadpool out of the fight.

"See ya' later" Deadpool says, "Tell Ben Affleck I said he sucks!"

"We'll finish this later!" Batman says, breathing heavily.

"HAHAHAHA! Good luck Bats!" Joker says as they fly away, "HEEHAHAHAHA!"

Batman calls Alfred on his communicator, telling him that he was on his way back in order to gather more information on Deadpool.

"Alfred" Batman says, "I'm on my way back. You were right, I need to prepare more. Deadpool is on a different level of insane."

"Okay sir" Alfred says, "I'm sending the Batwing to pull you out."

"Also, can you find some information on Deadpool?" Batman asks.

Batman grabs the Batcycle, rides it into the Batplane, and flies back to the Batcave. Once he arrives, he meets Alfred and the two begin discussing a few things.

"Have you found out any information on Deadpool yet?" Batman asks.

"Yes Master Wayne" Alfred replies, "His real name is Wade Wilson. He was the subject of a government experiment known as Weapon X, designed to create Super-Soldiers. He was injected with the DNA of another mutant with healing powers, and gained healing powers as a result."

He continues by saying "However he had cancer at the time the experiment was done, and the rapid regeneration of the cancer cells only made the cancer worse. His tumors spread all over his body, disfiguring his face – which explains the mask, and his brain cells die and regenerate at a rapid rate as well; which explains his mental instability."

"Wow" Batman says, "That sounds horrible."

"I know sir" Alfred says, "Unfortunately I haven't found anything that can negate his healing factor. However, from what I've read he places money above any personal relationships."

"Meaning…" Batman asks.

"Meaning sir" Alfred replies, "If we can somehow get him to turn on the Joker and join our side, we have a chance of stopping the Joker."

"Sounds like a good plan" Batman says, "Have you found the whereabouts of the Joker's other accomplices?"

"Yes Master Wayne" Alfred replies, "Penguin is at the Ice Lounge and the Scarecrow is at Gotham Cemetary mixing the toxin."

"Got it" Batman says, "Thanks Alfred."

"Happy to be at your service sir" Alfred replies.

**Continue on #4**


	4. The Final Chapter

_Batman, The Joker, and all related characters are the property of Time Warner and DC Comics. I do not own any of them._

_Deadpool is the property of the Walt Disney Company and Marvel Comics. I do not own him._

_Although the characters aren't mine, the story that you are about to read is of my creation._

**Batman vs. Deadpool #4: The Final Chapter**

By: George Gordy

Batman heads to the Ice Lounge to look for The Penguin. Upon arrival, he is attacked by some of Penguin's thugs. Armed with baseball bats, Batman easily pummels the thugs before going upstairs to confront the Penguin.

"Batman" Penguin says, "What a pleasant surprise!"

"Joker, Deadpool" Batman yells, "What's your business with them?"

"Well my business is just that" Penguin says, "Mine. So unless you want to die you best get out of here!"

The Penguin pulls out his umbrella and fires a smoke bomb at Batman before floating up into the air, and escaping through a nearby window. Batman gives chase and follows Penguin to the roof.

"You better tell me what your business is with them Penguin" Batman says.

"Well if you must know" Penguin says, "We plan on takin' over this town and you ain't gonna stop us!"

Penguin aims his umbrella at Batman again, this time using live bullets, and fires at him. Batman somersaults out of the way and kicks the Penguin in the face, knocking him out. The Penguin falls to the floor, and Batman grabs him and ties him up. He calls Commissioner Gordon on his communicator.

"Hey Jim" Batman says, "I've caught the Penguin. He's on the roof of his nightclub."

"Roger that" Gordon replies, "We're on our way down there."

Batman then rappels down from the building, jumps on his bike, and rides to the cemetery; where he becomes exposed to Scarecrow's fear gas. He begins coughing and tries to cover his nose and mouth, but the noxious fumes have already entered his body. Suddenly he begins seeing visions of hooded men with scythes surrounding him. Batman continues to walk through the cemetery, trying to remind himself that the men were mere hallucinations. Suddenly the visions disappear, as he continues to walk through the cemetery, and are replaced with visions of his greatest failures and tragedies.

He sees the Joker beating Jason Todd, the second person to take up the mantle of Robin, half to death with a crowbar.

He sees Harvey Dent, Gotham's former district attorney and the man who would become Two-Face, getting acid splashed on his face by a mafia thug.

He sees the Joker and Deadpool pointing at him and laughing.

He sees Barbara Gordon getting shot in the back by the Joker.

Finally, there is an image of him as a boy walking out of a theater with his parents when suddenly; a man approaches them with a gun, demanding that they hand over their belongings, before gunning them down in cold blood. This was the night Bruce Wayne's parents were murdered. Overwhelmed by it all, he collapses and falls into unconsciousness. About ten minutes later he wakes up.

"No" he says to himself, "I… won't… let any more people die. I can't let any more people die!"

He gets up and pursues the Scarecrow in spite of all the hallucinations and visions. Finally, he sees a giant man wearing a straw hat giving his goons orders; it was Scarecrow!

"Alright men" Scarecrow says, "Begin drilling!"

Batman throws an electrified batarang at the machine, causing the machine to shortcircuit before the men could begin drilling.

"Darn you Batman!" Scarecrow says in frustration.

The effects of the gas made Scarecrow's voice deeper and more intimidating to Batman, it also made him appear large.

"This ends now." Batman says.

"It has only just begun" Scarecrow replies, "Men, seize him!"

Scarecrow's men encircle Batman. Standing completely still, Batman waits for the men to come close to him. One of the men grabs Batman's shoulder, Batman elbows him in the face; another man charges at Batman with a metal bar, the man swings, Batman dodges, disarms him, puts him in a chokehold and slams him to the ground. The third man throws a punch at Batman; Batman just grabs his arm, twists it, kicks him in the back of the head, and knocks him out.

Standing behind Scarecrow, was the machine pumping the fear gas into the air; it was a security system of sorts to prevent intruders from interfering in the madman's assignment.

"Scarecrow" Batman says, "I know what you, Joker, and Deadpool are planning. Did you really think I wasn't going to put an end to this?"

"No" Scarecrow says, "Rather I will put an end to you!"

Scarecrow charges at Batman and the two begin fighting. Batman trips Scarecrow and punches him in the face, knocking him out. Afterwards, he looks at the machine pumping the fear gas into the air. He approaches the machine, but the hallucinations become stronger as he gets closer to the machine; so he tosses an explosive batarang at it, causing it to explode. He pulls the antidote for Scarecrow's toxin from his utility belt, and injects it into his arm; causing the hallucinations to cease. Afterwards he calls James Gordon:

"Batman" Gordon says, "Boy is it great to hear you."

"How's it going Jim?" Batman asks.

"Great" Gordon replies, "We've rounded up most of the inmates, and all that's left is the Joker and the mercenary."

"Sounds good" Batman says, "I have the Scarecrow, he was trying to pump fear gas into the water supply through the cemetery. From what the Joker told me, this was their main plan and it's good that I stopped him when I did."

He continues by saying "Just need to head to Amusement Mile and put an end to this mess."

"Ok" Gordon replies, "We're heading down to the cemetery now to arrest Scarecrow."

"Got it" Batman says before abruptly hanging up.

He walks out of the Cemetery, picks up his bike and begins riding towards Amusement Mile. The route takes him to on an expressway where he sees a flatbed truck. Driving the truck is a man wearing a clown-like mask, signifying he is a member of the Joker's gang; in the passenger seat is Deadpool.

"Hurry driver" Deadpool says in a dignified accent, "Amusement Mile awaits us!"

At their side was Batman on his bike, looking at them.

"It's the Bat!" The driver says.

"Well what are you telling me for" Deadpool says, "Speed up! DC's random henchmen are such idiots!"

As the truck speeds up Batman gets behind the truck and speeds up as well, trying to stay within their reach. Deadpool leans out of the window, pulls out one of his pistols, and fires two shots at Batman, before running out of bullets.

"S-t I'm out of bullets" Deadpool says, "Hey Random Henchman, wait here. I'm gonna go have a conversation with Adam West out there. Just keep driving towards Amusement mile, got it?"

The driver nods his head.

He climbs out of the door, stands on the flatbed truck, and begins talking to Batman.

"Hey Batman" Deadpool says, "So are you gonna let me kill you now or what?"

Batman jumps off of his bike and onto the flatbed truck. Batman attempts to reason with Deadpool.

"The Joker is a monster" Batman says, "When you're no longer of any use to him he'll just kill you."

"Me and Joker are like BFFs!" Deadpool says, "He likes blood and bodies, I like blood and bodies; he's overexposed, I'm like kinda overexposed; he likes chimic-, well he doesn't like chimichangas, but we can work something out."

"I guess you can't be reasoned with then, right?" Batman asks.

"Guess not" Deadpool replies.

"Then let's end this" Batman says.

The two square up, Batman punches Deadpool and sends him flying to the floor. Deadpool gets back up and begins talking again.

"Geez" Deadpool says, "If it makes you feel any better I really hated those Joel Schumacher movies. I mean come on, 'Hey everybody, chill…' Even you have to admit they were terrible—"

"Stop talking!" Batman says before throwing another punch at him, before he disappears.

"Not this again." Batman says.

"Hey" Deadpool says, "Right behind you!"

Deadpool kicks Batman off of the flatbed and sends him rolling down the hill below. Leaving Batman for dead, Deadpool and the driver continue to Amusement Mile to link up with Joker and Harley.

As soon as he gets to Amusement Mile, he sees the Joker in the fun house where the mayor was being held and tells him that Batman is dead.

"Yo Joker" Deadpool says, "Batman's dead."

"HAHAHAHA" Joker laughs before his face turns to a serious expression, "Wait you're joking right? Is Batman really dead?"

"Yep" Deadpool replies, "That'll be $1000"

"What?" Joker asks.

"I mean we're BFFs and all" Deadpool says, "But did you really expect me to break a bunch of crazies out of jail, tear up a city, kill a bunch of people, and rack up billions of dollars in property damage for free?"

"Ah, yes of course" Joker replies, "I completely forgot you were a mercenary! We've become such good friends though! I mean we tell jokes, we laugh, we cry, we kill people. I mean you even killed Batman for me!"

"That's just the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me…" Joker says as tears of joy roll down his face.

"Yea, we're still cool" Deadpool replies, "But I kind of need to get back to the Marvel Universe and there's like a s-tload of toll booths. Plus the fact that I'm a _mercenary_, meaning I blow stuff up and kill people for _money_."

"Guess you're right" Joker replies, "Alright I'll pay you. Hold on, let me just look for it in my toy chest."

"Nope that's not it" the Joker says as he continues to search through the chest, "Ahh here it is…"

BOOM! The Joker pulled out a rocket launcher and blasted Deadpool with it, sending him flying out of the window and to the fairground below.

"Now there's no way he's healing from that!" Joker says, "Get rid of him, he wasn't funny anymore. HAHAHAHA!"

The Joker's men grab Deadpool's splattered and broken body, and throw it in a ditch up the road from Amusement Mile.

"Pudd'n?" Harley asks.

"Yes Harley?" Joker replies.

"Why did you have to kill Deadpool?" Harley asks, "He was such a nice guy."

"Now what did I tell you about questioning me Harley?" Joker replies.

"Sorry Mr. J" Harley replies.

"Now go get the mayor ready" Joker says.

Meanwhile, Batman wakes up from unconsciousness and takes a look at the rising sun; realizing that the Joker and Deadpool were still at large and that he needed to stop them.

"There isn't any time" Batman says to himself, "It's almost daybreak."

Batman pulls himself up, as pain shoots all throughout his body. He pulls his communicator from his utility belt and calls Alfred.

"Alfred" Batman says, "I need you to send the Batmobile to my location. I've got to get Amusement Mile; I'll text you my coordinates."

"Batmobile is on its way sir" Alfred replies.

About twenty minutes later, the Batmobile pulls up on the highway where Batman is. Batman gets in, sets the GPS for Amusement Mile, and begins driving until he sees what appears to be Deadpool's torso. He approaches the body out of curiosity.

"Hey Batman" Deadpool says as he lies on the floor with no limbs, "You mind givin' me a hand, and my other hand, and my legs?"

"Deadpool" Batman says, "What happened?"

"The Joker tried to kill me" Deadpool says, "…And here I thought he was my BFF."

"I warned you" Batman says.

"Probably should've listened" Deadpool replies, "So, uh, you mind getting my arms and legs for me?"

Batman finds all of Deadpool's limbs and helps him reattach them.

"I'll need your help stopping Joker" Batman says, "That place is flooded with his thugs. I may not be able to go in alone."

"Yea sure" Deadpool says, "I'll help you. That clown tried to kill me, and he didn't even pay me. Now it's personal."

"We should probably get going then." Batman says.

They both walk towards the Batmobile and Batman unlocks it

"So" Deadpool says, "…um…can I like drive the Batmobile?"

"No" Batman replies.

They both drive all the way down to Amusement Mile, where they meet about fifty of Joker's thugs. As the thugs encircle them, Deadpool pulls out his katanas and Batman puts up his fists.

Deadpool unleashes his cold steel upon the thugs, cutting them down one by one; while Batman pummels man after man. As bodies litter the fairgrounds, Batman and Deadpool come up with a plan to infiltrate the Joker's lair.

"We'll have to split up" Batman says.

"I'll go after Joker, and you go after Harley" Deadpool says, "You come in after you're done with Harley and save the mayor."

"Good idea" Batman says.

They both rush into the Fun House and go their separate ways. Deadpool goes upstairs to confront the Joker, and Batman keeps going straight to find Harley. After beating up some of Joker's thugs, he sees Harley Quinn holding a hammer.

"I'm giving you one last chance to surrender Harley" Batman says.

"Sorry Batbreath" Harley says, "Mr. J says-I-have-to-kill-you!"

Harley charges at him with her hammer, as Batman darts and dodges out of the way. Finally, Batman simply trips her and she falls down; afterwards he ties her up.

"Wait here" Batman tells her.

When he leaves the room, he sees the corpses of Joker's thugs littered all over the place.

"Deadpool" Batman says to himself.

He runs upstairs where he sees Deadpool with a gun to a kneeling Joker's head, and the mayor sitting in a cage with tape around his mouth:

"Batman" the Mayor says, "You've got to get me out of here!"

"HEEHEEHEE" Joker laughs, "Bout time you showed up Bats! Uh… Little help here!"

"Put the gun down Deadpool" Batman says.

"Stay out of this Val Kilmer" Deadpool says, "The clown dies. No one crosses Deadpool."

"Think about what you're doing" Batman says, "If you kill him you're no better than he is."

_There is a short silence._

"Guess you're right" Deadpool says, "But then again… Who said I was?"

"No!" Batman yells.

Deadpool pulls the trigger and puts a bullet in the Joker's head.

"Oh my gosh!" The mayor says in shock.

"HA…HA… [Cough]…HA" Joker laughs and coughs as blood streaks down his pale face. He stops laughing and collapses into a pool of blood, and with a creepy smile on his face.

Batman's initial expression of shock turns back to a straight and emotionless face. Deep down he is satisfied: His greatest nightmare, a man who terrorized thousands, if not millions finally met his destined fate; denied of the same mercy he denied to so many people. He approaches the cage where the mayor was being held, picks the lock, and frees him.

"Thank you Batman" the Mayor says, "Thank you too mercenary." Afterwards, he runs out of the room and calls Gordon and his men.

"What's done is done" Batman says.

"You know" Deadpool says, "I learned something today."

"What?" Batman asks.

"Never trust clowns" Deadpool replies, "They're evil! They're the spawn of Satan!"

Batman, finding humor in what Deadpool had just said, cracks a smile. Deadpool searches through the Joker's toy chest and finds $2000 in cash.

"Little bastard was holding out on me" Deadpool says.

Deadpool pulls out a knapsack he had hidden in his belt, and stuffs all of the money in it.

"Well, it's been nice meeting 'ya Batman!" Deadpool says.

"We never finished our fight" Batman says, "You'll have to return some other time."

"What" Deadpool says, "Ask the reader, I totally kicked your ass!"

"Sure you did" Batman says.

"I guess we'll have to find out whenever that Gordy guy gets bored and decides to write us another crossover" Deadpool says, "Which probably isn't likely."

_Police sirens begin flaring outside, it's Gordon and his men._

"You should probably leave." Batman says.

"Good idea" Deadpool says, pressing the button on his teleportation device and disappearing in thin air.

Batman picks up the Joker's body and walks out of the Fun House. As police officers arrest Harley Quinn, she begins crying:

"Pudd'n" She says as tears roll down her face and she is being thrown into a paddy wagon, "They killed my Pudd'n!"

"What happened?" Gordon asks.

"Deadpool shot him" Batman replies.

"Why?" Gordon asks.

"Joker didn't pay him" Batman says, "He tried to kill him when he asked for the money."

"Wow" Gordon says, "Well as long as this mess is over, I don't care."

"I couldn't agree more" Batman says.

"Well I guess I'll see you later then?" Gordon says before he turns around, Batman had mysteriously disappeared

Batman drives back to the Batcave, where he meets Alfred.

"Master Bruce" Alfred says, "Did everything go well?"

"Joker's dead" Batman says before turning around and noticing the Batwing was missing, "What happened to the Batwing?"

"There was nothing I could do sir" Alfred says.

"What" Batman says before walk over to where his plane once was, he sees a note:

"HEY BATMAN,

I DIDN'T HAVE A RIDE HOME SO I STOLE THE BATWING, HOPE UR NOT MAD.

LOVE,

-DP

P.S. I LOVE CHIMCHANGAS!

P.S.S. AND BACON, BACON IS GOOD."

The humor of the situation put a smile on Batman's face and he just let it go.

"Doesn't matter" Batman says.

Deadpool is flying out of Gotham in the Batwing, while singing to himself:

" Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Deadpool stole the B-a-at-wing, and the Joker got a bullet in his head, BANG! "

**The End**


End file.
